Sorry or Never

April 26, 2008

Smooth Sailing

It was already four months since he called me ‘honey’ in the middle of a celebration. He was never so open yet so sweet in his words. He loves my smell. He likes collaborating stories with me. He likes what I like. YET, everything’s not enough.

Yes, dear, I fall. And I am very much sorry for it.

He had this girl for two years and five months and counting. He loves her so much that I almost feel the pain when she hurts him, when that pity girl thinks of untruthful allegations, when that girl breaks his heart and still sending him messages, when that girl celebrates her birthday and I have no choice but not to make him feel my presence and have to greet her on that gloomy day, when that girl says “we’re cool off” but its really not, when that girl texts me when he’s still not home, when that girl asks me if he’s around, when that girl tells me how much he loves him and how happy she is when they are together, when that girl calls him and she’s deeply mad when he does not answer the phone, when that girl calls to his friends to check him out, when that girl wants to be with him but he cannot…

He said “Pag nagtanong si <that girl> kung magkatext tayo sabihin mo na lang na hindi.” Shame on me that I allowed this.

Sometimes it really annoys me, not because I like the guy but it makes me realize how immature that relationship is. Is it on or off? Does your relationship still works for both of you or not? I asked the same question to that girl without her knowing that his boyfriend is flirting with me. My fault, I liked the ‘’flirting honey’ thing that lasts for months and still counting.
And sometimes we actually duel in this argument: <that girl> loves my honey without even trusting him. How does their relationship survives? Ask them.

He only had me for fun… for our jokes…for our past time lokohan. And I’m not sure if this is me, but I feel I’m just doing the same thing. At times, I love him, but most of the time we’re just joking around.

My next step? Love him until it dies. No commitments, no responsibilities. Basta, I will just enjoy this until I can (I heard this line from a movie..hehe)

 

 Be-a-Ver

Just got my thesis copy from Sir Joeven. I never had a good memory on this because of my so-called-former-buddy. We were never happy on this since he collaborated with me and work on research.

Before the commotion happened, I am very much aware of my mistakes and “the power tripping” thing. To work well with my so-called-former-buddy, I ignored the gossips of those people who keep an eye on me. I planned to talk with him after the completion of the thesis so we cannot sacrifice any part of it and be able to explain my side on the issues he mentioned in his blog. I expect nothing from him but to listen. Yes, dear.  I was actually waiting for those thoughts to come out. And there, naunahan mo nga ako. Funny it is, I cried so much that the pain almost killed me. When the thesis was already book bound, I really want to tell him how I survived and become stronger, tougher and brighter.

Now, when it’s really over, I want to get back what I’ve lost. I am not sure of that two-year friendship to return on what it has to be. But I am really hoping that we could talk. Something’s pushing me to go near and ask you for a good conversation.

We still got one-year to fix this. Just pray. You know I believe on this: lahat ng bagay napag-uusapan.